I spent the first 26 years of my life being in phenomenal shape. Not just good shape but outright amazing shape. This was my norm and that was where I was most comfortable. Because of various things in my life, that I will not discuss in any detail, I have spent the last 8 years being a shape (round is a shape right?)
For the longest time I never really thought about what was going on over the last 8 years I just ran with it. I went with the flow to the point where 8 months ago I found myself on a scale look at 275 lbs. I knew that I had gotten out of shape but I had no idea that it had gotten that bad.
I thought that the weight gain was the only change that happened over those 8 years until one day a good friend finally said to me "man, I don't even recognize you. You are not the same guy I started hanging out with." Instantly I knew what he was talking about. I wasn't the same ball of energy, life of the party, person that I had always been. The weight wasn't the problem; the weight was just a symptom of the much deeper problem.
So finally I had to face the music, I looked in the mirror and I saw someone that I didn’t recognize and even worst it was someone that I didn’t like. I really started to think of all the things that I have lost along the way. I started to think of the friend that I had not seen in a while because I could bear to have them see the person that I had become. I thought about the time I have missed with my family for the exact same reason. It was at that moment that I finally decided that I cared enough about myself to fix those problems that caused me to gain the weight.
I started from nowhere on day one to where I am today. I have spent 6 months working and clawing and trying to find that person that I once was and bring that person back into the light. This has been a pretty long journey. I think to myself that I have been lost for so long that 6 months is no where near enough time to find myself.
The good news is that I finally remember who I am looking for and where he is. Slowly but surely I am shining in my own light. I have started to reconnect with a lot of the people who have cared enough about me through the years to know that something wasn’t right. I am not there yet, but today I look in the mirror and I am starting to see a familiar face. I am starting to see the “arrogant bastard” that I once knew and loved. I am not there yet, but today I know what I am looking for, I know who I am trying to be and for all that its worth it really feels good.
Some of you reading might wonder to yourself, what exactly is this fool talking about. To you I say you are very fortunate to have never found yourself in these shoes.
But others reading this may relate to everything that is written here. If you can relate, I only have one word of advice for you . Find that person that you once were.... go searching for that happier, better version of you that you have somehow lost for one reason or another. (OK I can’t count that’s more than one word.)
You will be amazed at how happy to are to finally see (or even be) that person again.
